


Grief

by dratthepopulation



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Implied Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-04 14:50:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5338139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dratthepopulation/pseuds/dratthepopulation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Rose Quartz gives up her physical form, Greg Universe and the Crystal Gems (with a focus on Pearl) have to cope and learn to accept their new lives with Steven.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shock

**Author's Note:**

> As the title implies, this is not a happy story, but it does have a happy ending. Catharsis, after all, was the goal. It loosely follows the revised 6 stages of grief (shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) as a theme for the chapters.

 

Rose had said to go to the temple after Steven was born and she was gone, so that’s what he did.

It was already dark again, a full two days since Rose had gone into labor and another 8 hours on top of that since Greg last slept. Steven was so heavy in his arms and his steps through the sand may as well have been through wet concrete. In place of the usual bright, weighted presence and mass of shifting hair beside him, he now felt a hollow void that trailed up behind him and blocked out the stars.

The temple was dark and empty. His sandals slapping his heels echoed from the rough stone walls.

“Ro--...” Greg let his breath flop out of him, staring at the five gemmed star in the middle of the door. He still expected the pink one on top to glow.

Steven started crying. Greg realized that he didn’t have any extra diapers, formula, a bottle, pacifier, nothing. How did he miss that? What was he going to do? Everything was going to be closed in a few hours. Would the Gems be able to provide anything like that for Steven?

The door glowed in a white line through the middle, a circle around the center star, and slid apart. Pearl stepped out of the water and light and closed them both into the dark when the door sealed behind her.

“Rose!” Pearl leapt forward, footsteps echoing, and slowed to a stop in front of Greg. She didn't so much as glance at him, eyes fixed on the wrapped bundle in Greg’s arms.

“Oh, Rose…” Her voice was thin and quiet, and her long, white fingers unwrapped Steven, revealing the pink Gem glittering in his soft stomach. “Rose, what have you done now…”

“H-his name’s Steven,” Greg murmured.

Pearl didn't seem to hear him. She tucked Steven back in, pulled him out of Greg’s arms and eased him against her shoulder. Steven sniffed, hiccupped and quieted, laying silently against her. Pearl closed her eyes and swayed, hand draped over the back of his head which had so much black curly hair.

Greg stared at her with his mouth open and his arms out. He wanted Steven back, but something about  Pearl was scaring him and he was too afraid to speak.

“Ohhh, Rose, it’ll all be fine.” Pearl twirled in a slow, gentle circle. “Humans grow so fast, and you’ll be back to normal in only a little under two decades.”

“His name is Steven,” Greg said, louder. He didn't like this. He needed Steven back. He stepped forward, hands out and Pearl danced out of his way, clutching Steven to her. She pulled a frigid glare up at Greg.

“I will be taking Rose,” Pearl annunciated coldly, turning back to Steven and smoothing her hand down his head. “You’ve done enough, Greg. You may leave.”

“That-- That is Steven!” Greg shouted. “My Steven!” He lurched forward and Pearl leapt back. “Give me back my son!”

“Stay away from us!” Pearl spat back.

Steven coughed and started crying again in muffled, catlike wails.

“Pearl, please!” Greg’s voice broke. He reached and Pearl pulled further away. “He’s all I have.”

“Oh-hhhhoho! _You!_ ” Pearl scoffed. “You have the _whole planet_ , Greg! This is _your_ planet! Pick any old human girl, make another human child, and get out of our lives. Forget all about us! Your human life is so short and pointless, it shouldn’t be hard. Now, _goodbye,_ Greg.” Pearl wheeled around and strode for the door.

Two points of the star lit up Pearl’s face in red and blue. The door split into three and rumbled open. Garnet marched through and loomed over Pearl, who shrunk back, guarding Steven.

“Pearl. Give Steven back to Greg.”

“Noho, no, Garnet, this is Rose!” Pearl huffed a shaky smile up at Garnet’s impasse of a face. “She looks a little different, but she’s still Rose at her Gem, and she belongs with us!”

“Pearl. Rose is gone.”

Pearl tried to see beyond her reflection in Garnet’s visor, hollow smile stretching her mouth and her chest rising and falling faster. “No. We have her. I have Rose right here.”

“Pearl,” Garnet reached her hand out for Pearl’s shoulder, and Pearl ducked from under it and took a step back.

“Don’t touch me,” Pearl whispered, eyes wide and wild through her stiff smile, which withered off her face. “I have Rose now. She’s mine. You will _not_ take her away from me!  _NO ONE WILL TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME!_ ” The scream hit the temple walls and slumped dead to the floor. Steven gasped and wailed into her shoulder. Greg choked and covered his mouth, tears tumbling over his fingers.

Garnet took a step toward Pearl and Pearl jumped back and crouched, her face stone rigid, eyes fixed and feral. The pearl on her forehead lit up, and she grabbed the hilt of white light pushing out from it. “Don’t come closer.”

“I don’t want to fight you,” Garnet stated, and lifted her palms up. When she started easing her hands out, Pearl whipped her spear out and swiped for them; if Garnet hadn’t yanked back, it would have slashed straight across her gems.  

Garnet curled her hands into fists and pumped her gauntlets on.

“STOP!” Greg screamed and stumbled forward. “STEVEN! YOU’LL KILL HIM!!”

Pearl’s spear evaporated with all resolution from her face. Greg kept his distance and held his breath, watched Pearl turn her open face to the baby that she lowered into her arms.

“Do you think… if we destroyed this mortal form, Rose would come back?”

Garnet snatched Steven from Pearl, and as Pearl snapped her head up, Garnet placed her foot on Pearl’s chest and shoved her flying back. Pearl slid across the floor and hit the wall hard enough to bounce. Pearl pushed herself up off the shining stone and yanked a face full of betrayal up at Garnet.  

Garnet thrust a stone finger at the door. “You will go inside, and if you come out before sunrise, I will reduce you to your gem.”

Pearl recoiled like she had been slapped. Her eyes welled, and her face twisted into scalding rage that she turned to Greg. She shoved herself to her feet, scrambled for the door, and leapt through before it was finished opening.

As soon as it had closed it melted open again. Amethyst tottered out into the dark. “Greg?”

Greg caught his breath, coughed, and wiped his face. Garnet turned toward Amethyst, the baby fussing in her arms. The fearful confusion fell from Amethyst’s face as she stared at the writhing, swaddled lump, taking careful steps toward them. “Is… is that her?”

“Him,” Garnet corrected. “This is Rose’s son. Steven.”

Amethyst never took her eyes off of him. Her face started to crumple and she forced herself to swallow. “Can I see him?”

Garnet kneeled in front of Amethyst and lowered Steven for her to see. Amethyst leaned over on her tip toes, hands up by her chest. She nudged the blanket aside to uncover Rose’s gem, and slipped her fingers over it. Steven stopped squirming and sighed.  

“She-- he’s so small,” Amethyst hushed and wiped her eye under her hair. “Just a gooey human baby. How can all of Rose be inside that?”

Garnet stood again, approached Greg and tucked Steven back into his arms. Greg looked up at her, eyes idly dribbling. He was unable to, and unsure if he should, thank her.

“We will help you raise this child.” Garnet laid her gentle hand on Steven’s head and smoothed his bunny soft hair back. “Eventually, he’ll have to live with us and fulfill his role as a Gem. But for now he is small, and fragile, and he is not safe with us. You’ll have to raise him on your own.”

Amethyst grabbed an armful of Greg’s hair and leaned against his leg.

“What about Pearl? What she said… She wouldn't--” Greg choked up and looked down at Steven, wiped his eyes before his tears could fall on his son’s face. “She wouldn't actually hurt him, would she?”

“Never. Pearl… needs time. She’ll come around, and she will love this child just as deeply as she loves Rose. But for now, she needs some time to accept that Rose is gone.”

  



	2. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst goes to Garnet and learns that Pearl has not left her room. Amethyst decides to investigate.

 

 

Amethyst climbed into the temple, and found Garnet watching the door.

Without turning around, Garnet asked “How’s Greg.”

“Oh, I… didn’t stick around him too long. He was all tired and sad so I saw Vidalia instead. Why are you asking me? You could have looked yourself.”

Garnet didn’t answer.

“Oh, Pearl. She still not out yet?”

Garnet didn’t answer.

“How many days has it been? Two?”

“Seven.”

“ _Yeesh._ ” Amethyst muttered, both at Pearl and herself for losing that much track of time. She tottered next to Garnet and looked up at her. “Do you think she’s okay?”

Garnet didn’t answer.

Amethyst’s eyebrows knit. She looked to the door and scowled. “She’s going to have to come out eventually! We have missions, and now that… We need Pearl with us! We need to be together if we’re going to get anything done!”

Garnet didn’t comment.

“Aren’t you going to pull her out?!” Amethyst swung her arms out. “She can’t keep hiding in her room like this!”

Garnet stared at the door.

“What do you see?! Tell me! Talk to me, Garnet! Look at me!!”

Garnet turned to Amethyst and yanked her visor off, three eyes shining with tears. Amethyst backpedalled, mouth falling open. “Pearl needs time,” Garnet’s voice just barely shook. “She will need a lot of time. She needs us to be gentle for a while. Do you understand.”

Amethyst swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. Garnet wiped her eyes and slipped her visor back on.

“What… What do you see?”

Garnet shook her head. She swiped her hand under her nose. “When she comes out, she’ll be projecting Rose. Prepare yourself for that.” The red and blue points at the bottom of the star lit up, and Garnet strode into her room, door sealing behind her.

Amethyst let out the breath she was holding, looked to the small pearl on the right prong of the star, and her face set with resolve.

 

+*°×~

 

Amethyst surfaced as quietly as she could and wiped the water from her eyes. She tread slowly toward the edge of the taller pillar of water, closer to the center stage where Pearl was sitting.

Pearl was watching a blue hologram she projected from her gem, holding her wrist and hugging her knees to her, head cocked and eyes fixed. It looked like a first-person memory of Rose. The way Pearl stared, dead-faced exhausted, Amethyst was sure that Pearl wouldn’t see her even if she morphed into a porpoise and started doing flips. Even if it was just a projection, Amethyst wanted to see Rose again. She swam as close as she could to get the best view possible.  

Rose’s laugh buzzed from Pearl’s gem, tinny and fuzzed with static, and it squeezed Amethyst’s chest around the odd emptiness inside. Pearl didn’t blink. Pearl unaware of her audience, she and Amethyst watched the projection. A cold monochrome sunrise glistened off the ocean and glowed off of all of Rose’s hair and her cheek. She was running, the viewer, Pearl, running behind her. The view turned to their hands, and their dashing feet in the sand. Pearl’s own laugh buzzed through her gem, making the barren expression Pearl watched with a sickening thing to Amethyst.

Rose slowed to a stop, panting and beaming like the sun, and turned to Pearl, both then and now. “ _The Earth… It’s so beautiful. Can you feel it?_ ” She turned back to the sun on the ocean and Pearl’s fuzzy voice fumbled for words. “ _This planet certainly does have a beautiful pallet of colors!_ ”

Pearl’s mouth twitched down at the corner.

Rose turned back to her, smiling coyly right into Pearl’s blue-illuminated, hollow face. Her strong hand reached forward and brushed beside the viewpoint.

Pearl’s eyelids fluttered.

Rose flicked her eyes up at the sky around them and back. Her voice, while electronic, was warm and gentle; “ _You’re the colors of this sunrise. I feel like I’m surrounded by you._ ” Pearl’s gasp, so, so quiet, just barely came through on the gem. Rose moved closer, and the entire view was taken up by her, close and intimate, her eyes shining with the reflection of Pearl. “ _If we fuse, right now, we can become the sunrise._ ” A nod from the viewer, then a sense of movement, a dip, and Rose’s hair shifted forward and encircled the viewpoint in an alcove of their own. She leaned in, eyelids lowering, and the hologram went dark.

Pearl closed her eyes, lips parted.   

The projection glowed white, and when Pearl opened her eyes both now and then, the viewpoint was higher up from the sand and water than before. Rose was gone. Hands lifted up and turned over, backdropped by the glimmering horizon, stronger than Pearl's but more delicate than Rose’s. The view panned down, and fingers lighted over the rose quartz in the center of her torso. She lowered herself down and watched her own shared hands slip into the sand. She moved her fingers under the sand covering her hands before settling, and cradling the Earth between them. She looked back out at the sun celebrating over the ocean. The thunder of crashing waves and hiss of foam ebbed and flowed as gentle white noise from Pearl's gem.

Pearl watched, empty and still but for the small flicks of her eyes over the blue light sunrise.

Amethyst drowned out her tears under the water and swam back to her room.

 


	3. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl comes out of her room, projecting Rose as a hologram. This eventually spurs an altercation between her and Amethyst after a battle.

 

  
  


Garnet seemed tense. She wasn’t surprised when the temple door opened, but Amethyst gasped and whipped around, hair flinging around her.

“Pearl!” Her face fell when she saw Rose, a transparent blue specter shifting silently over the polished floor. Pearl was perfectly visible behind her.

Garnet was slow to turn around to look. Amethyst had trouble breaking her eyes away from the placid face of the ghost, through to Pearl, who was trying not to look so much like she was regretting coming out of her room.  

Amethyst drew in a breath and started to scowl when Garnet grabbed her hand. The look Garnet turned to her, even with her visor obscuring her eyes, clenched Amethyst in guilt. Amethyst forced her breath out through her nose. She chose to ignore the projection of Rose, difficult as it was, and gave Pearl a forced smile. “Is it nice to feel fresh air again?”

Pearl stepped up next to Phantom Rose and looked up to her face. The hologram turned to her and gave her a careful, enigmatic smile. Pearl sighed and faced Amethyst. “The air is perfectly fresh in my room. I had constructed a system of ventilation--”

“Yeah yeah I’ve heard it before,” Amethyst waved her off and found herself staring at Rose’s likeness again. She didn’t like the blue. She wanted all the pink back, and the big white dress, solid and real and _here_. She tore her eyes away and turned back to watch the seagulls.

Garnet pushed herself up and closed the distance between herself and Pearl. She smiled; it wilted, but picked back up. “It’s good to have you back.” She laid her hand on Pearl’s arm up by her shoulder.

Pearl shivered, lips parting and eyelids drooping. She gasped and backed away from Garnet’s subtle strength. She reached for Rose’s hand, but phased right through. She threw a panicked glance at the hologram, realization passing over her face, and turned an anxious look back at Garnet. “Y--yes. I’m afraid… it has been a while.” Her eyes fell back on Amethyst, and Pearl cleared her throat. “So,” she addressed, her attempt at chipper sodden and limp, “any gem activity lately?”      

 

+*°×~

 

Pearl’s spear thrust through the center of the massive Gem scorpion pinning Amethyst down. It poofed into a cloud of dust, orange gem dropping to the sand. Garnet slowed her sprint toward them to a trot as Pearl bubbled the gem.   
  
Amethyst stared and panted, getting her hands and feet back under her. “That was awesome! Man, if you hadn’t been right there, I could had my--”

Pearl turned and strode away.   
  
“ _Hey!_ ” Amethyst barked. “I was congratulating you! Pearl!”

Pearl released the hologram of Rose she had dispelled when the battle started and floated down to a kneel in front of it. She held the bubble out for the hologram to see and looked up at Rose’s generic smile.

Amethyst gaped, turned to Garnet as she approached and thrust a ‘SEE THIS?’ hand out toward Pearl.

Garnet folded her arms over her chest. Amethyst sprawled to the ground and groaned. Her scowl deepened. “You know what? _No!_ ” she snapped up to sitting. “It’s been months! I’m sick of this!”

“Amethyst,” Garnet warned, but Amethyst shoved herself to her feet and marched over to Pearl.

“Hey!”

Pearl stopped what she was murmuring to the hologram and set her eyes down forward, eyebrows low and teeth clenched. “I don’t appreciate being interrupted.”

Amethyst recoiled. “ _I don’t appreciate being ignored!_ ” she squeaked, arms flung up beside her.

Pearl flicked her wrists and sent the bubbled gem on its way. She lifted her face back up to Rose’s, staying silent.

“ _Augh!_ ” Amethyst marched into the hologram, planted her feet down in front of Pearl, grabbed her face and pulled it down to square her own. “LOOK AT ME! I’m the one who’s actually here!!”

The hologram fluttered into a miasma of glittering ribbons around Amethyst. Panic, then fury flared up in Pearl’s eyes, baring her teeth. She shoved Amethyst to the ground and shot to her feet. The shock on Amethyst’s face clenched to match Pearl’s outrage.

“Yes, you’re here!” Pearl shouted. “As am I! We’re all right here, stranded, alone, forever!”

“You’re not alone, Pearl!” Amethyst shot back. “We’re all here together!”

“Well, I don’t want to be! I don’t want to be here! I don’t want to be-- doing, this! I only ever did any of this for her!” Pearl flung her arm up at the empty air where the hologram had been, went to find solace in the ghost of Rose’s face and found absence.

“Looking for this?” Amethyst sneered. Pearl turned to face her, but met with a solid, lavender Rose Quartz instead.

Pearl’s wide open horror started to collapse when she was bowled over by Amethyst’s Rose-sized hands slamming into her chest.

“AMETHYST!” Garnet roared, storming over.

“She shoved me first!” Amethyst pointed and phased back into her normal form.

Pearl pushed herself up from the sand.

“Amethyst!” Garnet bellowed. “Leave!”

“NO!” Amethyst’s voice cracked. “Pearl! We’re all sad Rose is gone, but she’s gone! She’s not here anymore! You have to get your shit together and just deal with it because--”

“SHUT UP!” Pearl spat, rage squeezing hot tears from her eyes. “SHUT THE-- SHUT UP!”   

Garnet got between Pearl and Amethyst, hands gripping Amethyst’s shoulders but Amethyst bat them away, leaning around Garnet’s thigh to shout at Pearl. “You’re not letting us get over her when you keep parading that damn hologram around!” Garnet shoved her back, trying to turn Amethyst around, “It’s not real!!” but Amethyst twisted and ducked under her hands. “Not only is Rose gone, but now you’re gone too!”

“ _ **GOOD!!**_ ”  Pearl’s voice shredded the air apart.

Garnet glowed white and popped apart.

Ruby was the first one up, steaming livid. She stomped toward Amethyst, who recoiled, hands up. “I got her, Sapphire,” she growled.  

“Don’t hurt her,” Sapphire ordered, righting herself.

“No! Ruby!” Amethyst rushed out. Ruby jumped her, wrestled her arms around Amethyst’s waist, got her feet back under her, and dashed for the ocean. They hit the water, Amethyst kicking and shouting, and Ruby kept on running until they were a bubbling trail under the waves.

Pearl wrenched the backs of her hands over her eyes and moved to get up, but Sapphire’s frigid hand clamped around her wrist. Pearl seethed at her. “ _Let me go._ ”

“Pearl,” Sapphire soothed. “You have to stop running away.”

“You can’t tell me what to do,” Pearl snarled. “Nobody can anymore.”

“Nobody ever could. Pearl, please listen to me.” Pearl yanked for her arm back but Sapphire’s small hand had all the strength of Garnet’s. Pearl whipped a deep black glare at Sapphire and breathed in for something, to tear her hand away or scream at her, but Sapphire uttered, “I’m sorry. We didn’t want to hurt you, that night, but we did. I’m so sorry.”

Pearl froze, muscles tense and vestigial lungs aching full.            

Sapphire released her grip on Pearl’s wrist to gently squeeze her hand. “We panicked. Not just Garnet, but you, too. Amethyst as well. None of us ever stopped. We all knew Rose was leaving, but none of us… nothing could have prepared any of us for what it would actually be like. Leaving Homeworld behind was no comparison. Rose was our true home.”

“Rose w-- is my everything. Rose, is my whole universe, and at least when Greg lead her away from me she was still- around, with me!” Pearl gasped for breath, throat tightening. “ _And he took that away from me, too! He took away everything there was to me, piece by piece, until Rose was completely gone! You all lost a friend! I lost-- EVERYTHING!_ ” Pearl knew that she didn’t need to breathe, knew that her throat closing was a psychosomatic reaction that had no bearing on her well-being, but all she wanted was air to pass through her and that wasn’t happening and she needed it, she needed to breathe and she struggled to pull air wheezing in through her pinhole throat.

“Pearl,” Sapphire ran her cold hand down Pearls arm, “you’re going to be fine. Rose isn’t completely gone. Steven has her gem.”

“ _S-Steven--_ ” _hhp!_ “ _isn’t_ \--” _hhhp!_ “ _Rose!_ ” Pearl squeaked and smacked her hand over her mouth. She pulled at her arm like an animal in a trap until Sapphire let go, and scrambled dashing to her feet, running for the temple.  

 

 


	4. Bargaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl visits Greg's van to visit 3 1/2 year old Steven for the first time.

  
  


Pearl rapped her knuckles on the van’s metal back door and wrung her hands. From inside she heard a tiny little voice, inarticulate and fumbly, that made her feel like a flock of birds inside her had all been startled.

“Dad. Wake up.”

“Hmmuh? Whatizzit Steven?”

Pearl’s extremities buzzed with electric anxiety and she rapidly knocked again until Greg asked, voiced raised over the banging, “ **Who is it?** ”

Pearl snatched her hand back. “ _It’s--_ ” Her voice came out as a wispy whine. She cleared her throat, “It’s Pearl.”   

“Da Kwistow Jim,” Steven uttered in his little voice. After a pause, the van shifted with the shuffling heard from inside. The latch clicked, and the door slowly eased ajar, Greg, then Steven, peeking through.

Pearl lightly gasped, staring at how big Steven was now; his huge eyes, Rose’s eyes, staring up at her. She moved to reach out for him, but pressed her hand over her chest instead.

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” Greg muttered.

Pearl broke her eyes away from Steven’s and winced. She squinted up at the dusky pale sky.

“Never mind,” Greg shook his head. “What do you--” he closed his mouth and sighed. “Why are you here?”  

“I… I want to see Steven,” Pearl announced.

“She wanns tuh see me,” Steven echoed solemnly to his father.

Greg was unmoved. “Pearl...”

“Please!” Pearl blurted, a little more desperately than she liked. She held the door open, which Greg regarded with a warning glare. “Please. I-I’m ready.”

Nonplussed, Greg raised his eyebrows. “Are you? What else.”

“What else?” Pearl blinked. “What do you mean?”

“Don't you think you might have something to say to me?”

Pearl frowned into Greg’s begrudging face, trying to remember what happened the last time she saw him three and a half years ago. Then, with a foggy recollection of taking Steven from him, she blushed. “Oh, that?”

Greg started to close the door.

“NononoI’msorry! I’msorryI’msorry!”

“Are you?” Greg pushed the door open a little wider. Steven intently gazing between their faces.

“Yes!” Pearl flopped. “Greg, I… I wasn't myself. I don't even think of what I did that… that whole year, as me. I still don't--…” she remembered that night a little more clearly, for the first time since it happened, the memory falling dark over her. She remembered looking into Steven’s newborn face, and asking about killing him. “ _Greg,_ ” she breathed. “... _I’m so sorry._ ” She covered her mouth with her fingers.

Greg looked Pearl over, calculating, shoulders losing tension. “Alright,” he sighed. “You can start seeing Steven, as long as Garnet and Amethyst are with you, and I'm there to supervise.”

“But…” Pearl flicked her eyes to Steven’s-- to Rose’s, and she needed to talk to him. See what he was like. See how much of Rose there was left. “I need to see him now,” she answered distantly.

Greg watched Pearl's face and saw the same frantic desperation from three years ago. He gently nudged Steven back from the door, “Watch your fingers, bud.”

“No! Please!” Pearl grabbed the door, and fear popped onto Greg’s face. They both pulled against each other. Instead of Steven’s name coming, what exited Pearl’s mouth was “Rose!”

“Oh _Hell_ no,” Greg muttered and pulled with his whole strength at the door, but damn Pearl’s scrawny little body was strong.

“Mom?” Steven murmured, choked up. “Dad, stop!”

“Pearl!” Amethyst called out, running. Before Pearl could turn around, Garnet’s hands curled around her wrists and Pearl jumped and gasped, letting go of the door. Greg yelped and the door slammed shut, van lurching back with the small crash inside.

“Dad!”

“ _Nguhh._ You alright, kiddo?”

“Dad, I wanna see Puhhl.”

Pearl’s arms shook in Garnet’s hands. She twisted to look up at Garnet behind her. “I’m… I’m sorry.”

“Don't apologize to me, Pearl.”

“ **Hey Greg!** ” Amethyst shouted at the van.

“HI AMASISS!” Steven shouted back. “Dad, can I see da Kwistow Jims?”

“Steven, no. It’s not even morning yet.”

“I can see da light in da sky! Iss daytime!”

“Steven--”

“Dey’w wight deyohh!” Steven squeaked. “I wanna meet Puhhl! You said she, she could, she could see me, if, if Amasiss and Gahnet are heew and dey’w heew now! I heew dem fru da doow!”

“Shhh, Steven--”

“ _Pwease Dad!_ ” Steven whispered loudly. “ _Pwease pwease pwease!_ ”

“ _Okay,_ ” Greg whispered. “ _Okay. Step away from the door._ ”

The door peeked open, and Steven stuck his curly head out. “Hi-Puhhl-my-name-is-Steveeeen!” He grinned, showing all of his baby teeth and squinting his eyes closed.

“Oh…” Tears slammed Pearl’s throat aching shut. Garnet’s hand on her shoulder wasn't helping. She issued a little whine and pushed her hand over her mouth.

Steven opened his eyes and his face fell. “Oh noooo! Puhhl, don't cwy! Why aw you cwying? Noooo…” he pushed the van doors open and stepped down to the bumper, holding his arms out to her.

Pearl dared her hands out, and carefully, gently, took his hands in hers, running her thumbs up his soft little palms.

Steven watched, concern in his big bright eyes. He whispered, “ _Why aw you cwying…_ ”

“I'm sorry,” Pearl croaked, forcing a grin and wiping her eyes. “I'm just, so happy to see you. I missed you so much.”

Steven frowned, confused, but still worried. He bounced, arms waving up and down for her.

Pearl sputtered out a wet laugh and picked him up, hugging him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her as if he meant to squeeze her tears away. Managing to giggle, she spun him around with her and he laughed. He had that same goofy, everywhere laugh as Rose. Pearl had Rose’s laugh in her ear again, bouncing against her, and she loved Steven. She loved him so much.

“Oh-ho Steven,” Pearl half laughed, half sobbed. “It's so good to meet you again.”

“We met buhfoe?”

“Yes!” Pearl sniffed back and freed an arm to wipe her face, leaning Steven back to talk to him. “Before you were born. In your last life, you were my best friend in the universe. I loved you, very much.”

“Aw you talkin bout my mom?”

“Yes,” Pearl nodded, smiling and wiping her eyes.

“Well…” Steven hid coyly behind a hiked shoulder, “Do you love me now?”

“Aha!” Pearl blurted, and burst into laughter. Steven giggled along with her. “I do!” she cheered. “Of course I do!” She sniffed, wiped her face in another entirely futile gesture, and laughed.

“Good! I love you too!” Steven announced. Pearl enveloped him in another wet, giggling hug, his familiar curls against her cheek.

“Greg,” Garnet uttered, pulling Greg’s attention up at her. She looked down at him. “How are you.”

Greg sighed and went back to watching Pearl and Steven with a loose expression both heavy and unburdened. “Better.”  

 

+*°×~

 

“Greg bought him a ukelele!” Amethyst boasted to Pearl, stepping back onto the beach on the way back to the temple.

“Can human children learn such a dexterous task at such an early stage? Steven still seems to be getting the hang of language.”

“Well, Greg seems to think he can do it. He says it’s good to start him with music early. He said, if Steven’s anything like Rose, he’ll need a way to express himself.”

“And he’s already so much like Rose,” Pearl mused, smiling. She turned to Garnet, “We should start thinking about having Steven join us.”

Pearl could sense the eyebrow raise in Garnet’s glance at her. “Greg and I already discussed that.”

“What?” Pearl blinked her eyes wide up at Garnet.

“Yeah,” Amethyst joined. “He said that instead of going to school, that Steven would come live with us.”

“You were in on this, too?” Pearl looked between Amethyst and Garnet. “How long were you going to keep this from me?”

“I was waiting until today,” Garnet stated.

“Sorry, Pierogi,” Amethyst shrugged. “Had to go with Garnet’s all-seeing wisdom on that one.”

Pearl huffed. “So, when do humans begin attending human school?”

Amethyst scoffed. “P, can you try to sound a little less like an alien?”

Pearl squinted at Amethyst with her hand out, at a loss for words.

“Greg said Steven would be six years old,” Garnet answered.

“Three more years?” Pearl fretted.

“Two and a half,” Garnet corrected. “We would also need to build suitable accommodations for Steven. He is human, after all.”

“In physical composition,” Pearl quickly amended. “So…”

“We’re building a house onto the temple!” Amethyst enthused.    

“Onto the temple?!” Pearl looked up at the statue of their collective fusion built into the cliff, the last solid evidence of a fusion with Rose. “But, that could jeopardize the structural integrity of--”

“Chill girl!” Amethyst walked backward in front of her, hands out. She turned her palms up with a slick smile. “We put you up to the task of building the thing.”

“Logistics and architecture, specifically,” Garnet added. “We’ll all be constructing it.”

“With Greg’s say in the plans,” Amethyst joined. “He knows what humans need in a house.”

“I’ll be working with Greg?” Pearl cringed.

“It’s for Steven,” Garnet stated.

Pearl sighed. “Alright. When do we start?”

Garnet smiled down at Pearl, “When do you feel like working with Greg?”

Amethyst laughed.

 

 


	5. Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl watches the sunrise and feels the Earth.

  
  
  


“Hey uh, Garnet?” Amethyst called over her shoulder, standing at the edge of the temple cave. Garnet saw the lack of smile or sass on her face and made her way over. As Garnet approached behind her, Amethyst pointed out at the beach.

Pearl was lowered on her hands and knees in the sand, dead still and looking out at the sun coming up over the ocean.

“I think I found why she skipped out on the mission,” Amethyst murmured. She looked up at Garnet’s face. “Can you uh… Talk to her for me?”

Garnet regarded Amethyst.

“I would just… mess it up.” Amethyst started a sigh but held her breath, staring at Pearl, helplessness pulling at her face. It hardened, giving way to frustration, then anger. “ _Aaaaaagh_ , fuck this.” Amethyst threw her hand in a swipe in Pearl’s direction and wheeled around. “I’m going… place.” She marched to the warp pad and she was off with the chiming pillar of light.

Garnet jumped down from the temple platform and strode over the beach toward Pearl.

Pearl didn’t move when Garnet came up and stood beside her. The low sun through the dusky clouds lit up Pearl’s tearstreaked face in pink and gold. She blended in with the pastel world around them.

She moved her fingers under the sand and breathed in time with the waves. Garnet gently lowered herself to a crouch next to her.

Pearl dropped her eyes to the sand, gathering it up between her hands. “Do you ever, just...” Her voice was thin and quiet. “Feel... this Earth?” She let the sand sift through and fall from her hands. She stared at them, delicate and gritty and empty. She pushed them back under the sand and leaned her weight onto them, gripping onto the pink planet under her.

Garnet laid her hand on Pearl’s back. Pearl stuttered a quiet gasp, eyebrows knitting and face tightening. Garnet passed her hand back and forth over Pearl’s shoulder blades and Pearl sputtered and yelped into sobbing that jerked her whole wispy frame. She pulled in a deep lungful of breath and screamed at the glimmering ocean. She screamed, and screamed, and the kind breeze coming off the crash and hiss of waves carried each one away.   


	6. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven is welcomed into his new home! Greg goes through a checklist of human necessities with Pearl.

 

 

 

“So this is going to be my room?” Steven asked, bouncing with his hands pressed into the bed.

“Well, the whole house is technically your room,” Pearl smiled. She was so nervous. She needed him to be happy with this.

“Because the door is your rooms,” Steven tottered over to the the edge of the loft and pointed over to the temple door. “Wait,” he frowned, and turned it up at Pearl. “I have a whole house to myself?!”

“Y-yes?” Pearl worried. “It is between the temple door and the outside, so it will serve as a sort of nexus for all of us, but--”

“That is AWESOME!!” Steven jumped and Pearl flinched. “I didn’t even have a whole van to myself, and now I get a WHOLE HOUSE?!”

Pearl laughed relief.

Greg’s momentary embarrassment was conquered by the fact that he was finally providing everything he wanted for his son. “That’s right! The Van’s mine now. You got your own place!”

“WAHOO!!” Steven ran laps around his dad and Pearl. “I’m gonna jump down onto the couch!”

“No! No you’re not!” Pearl caught Steven before he could and picked him up.

“You sure you got everything you need?” Greg asked Pearl.

“I’m fairly sure. We all went through the list several times.”

“Toilet paper?”

Pearl’s eye twitched. “Yes.”

“Toothbrush and toothpaste?”

“Yes.”

“Buttbrush and buttpaste?” Amethyst asked. Steven erupted with laughter.  

“Amethyst! You are going to have to watch your language from now on!”

“Relax, P. I know what not to say, Greg schooled me aaaages ago. But do you know what not to say?”

“I’ve never been inclined toward such vulgar language to begin with!”

“Pfff, yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say f--” Pearl threw a skewering glare at Amethyst, which made her grin wider, “--fffFFF _FFF **FFF**_ Fruit salad,” she finished with a scrunched, bucktoothed smile.   

Steven kicked and squealed with laughter, Greg chuckling along. Pearl groaned.

“I don’t think I have ever heard you say that,” Garnet stated, walking in from the balcony.

Pearl breathed in to say that of course she had but-- had she?

“Laundry detergent?” Greg pointed at Pearl.

“What? Oh, yes, we have that.”

“Floss.”

“Yes.”

“Food?” Steven asked.

Pearl turned wide eyes to him, then plapped her hand over her face. “I forgot the food,” she muttered.

“Oh, Pearl,” Greg complained. “That had a whole list on it’s own.”

“I didn’t want to think about the food so I gave it to Amethyst.”

“I… I ate it.”

“The list?” Greg balked.

“Yeah,” Amethyst winced. “The food on it sounded really good.”

Greg gawked at her, fully realizing who he was going to be leaving his son with. “Alright, we’re going food shopping, right now.”

“But we just got here,” Steven complained.

“And you need food if you’re going to stay here. And, I have to teach Pearl how to shop for food for you,” Greg announced, making solid eye contact with Pearl, who cringed away from it.

“I don’t wanna gooooo,” Steven sagged in Pearl’s arms like a wilted plant. Neither did she.

“Steven can stay with me,” Garnet stated. She walked up to the the loft drop off and held her arms up to Pearl for Steven.

Pearl leaned in toward her, back turned to Greg and mouthed ‘Don’t leave me alone with him!’   

Garnet smiled and reached for Steven.

Pearl glowered, kissed Steven on the head, and handed him over to Garnet.

Amethyst cut her sleazy grin at Pearl to hop down from the loft next to Garnet. “I’m staying with Steven! Wanna see my room, short man?”

“YEAH!” Steven turned his starry eyes to Garnet, “Can I see your room, too?”

“No.”

Steven’s face fell.

“Alright Pearl,” Greg beckoned, heading for the door, “Let’s go.”

Pearl sighed. “Garnet, keep Steven safe,” she gave Amethyst a look.

“Byyyeee Peeaarrrl,” Amethyst taunted with a shiteating fingerwave.

Pearl checked to see that Steven wasn’t looking as she followed Greg out, then flipped Amethyst a quick, covert middle finger before letting the screen door smack shut behind her.

 

 


End file.
